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May 15, 2008


Just as I parents have come and gone...and I really miss them being here! So many different emotions are attached to seeing them. First and foremost, as always, when I do get to see them I am always wishing that they lived closer to me! They both are such wonderful and grounded people that certainly would be such a great influence in my life and the lives of my family. My hubby would greatly benefit from their abilities to be level headed and calm and would I. My kids would benefit from having their grandparents around...for my daughter an established sense of family and for my son, to have great role models to look up to and to fall back on! In the short time they were here I have taken away with me a sense of well-being and a different view alltogether on how my behaviors can and do affect others. For example, how I interact and speak 'at' my husband instead of speaking 'to' him and listening when I should be. There is always a constant underlying friction in this house because of the way we have become accustomed to interacting with one another. We all have settled on the idea that our way of being is normal when in reality it is anything but! The most peculiar thing about reflecting upon this patterned behavior is that I truly think that none of us even wants to be this way. We all share an ideology that we want peace and love and understanding amongst why then do we do anything but? I truly have been enlightened by viewing my family and our relationships with one another...this is not what I have set out to create. We all need to have the utmost respect for one another because demanding it doesn't work but rather showing, especially those sponge minds of our children, and leading by example is how others learn to be. If I am being disrespectful to my husband and vice versa then it is evident that my children will learn this behavior and then view it as the norm. I have now taken a very big step back, taken a long look and realized that there are different and better ways to speak and get my points and views across than just yelling them out in a stressed daze! I am constantly reiterating to my kids that they need to treat others as they'd want to be treated but yet I hipocritically do the opposite, especially with my husband! Ridiculous! So I will not waste one more moment of one more day buying into the behavior that I so hate. Realistically I can not expect to have everything change overnight but it is my responsibility to myself to do the very best I can everyday to plug away at creating an environment that I want to be in. I have taken a huge effort to calmly speak with my hubby about things that create stress for him..ask him why and then peel through all of the complex layers associated with it and get to the core of the issue. Which by the way never seems to be about the subject that we are stressing over. It is quite interesting and I vow to apply this method to myself as well. I have been trying it on for size these past few days and the response, while frictional at first, has been wonderful. That huge ball of deep seeded stress that has been lying in the pit of my being seems to be burping its way out of my body...a very big AHHH for me. I feel a calm that I haven't felt in a very long time and also feel equiped with the tools to handle the moments that really are stressful. I am dealing with the now as opposed to stressing over those moments that have not even know, those moments that you think will be stressful and you set yourself up for the failure of those moments that may never happen at all! No more! I feel good...and I want and will take this ball and run with it. Imagine, all of this from a four day visit from my parents! The only downside I can see from their stay is that quite possibly they will never again want to stay with us..after the display of bs my hubby and I put on for them...But, because of the type of people they are I do feel somewhat confident that they understand and that they will not hold onto any of the negativity...for too long anyway! I truly believe that it takes another set of eyes sometimes to make you realize what has been going on in your life and the negative patterns that have become commonplace...It is only through realization and then acceptance and the willingness to recognize that any of us can for this I hope my parents know just how grateful I truly am for their visit...who would of ever thought? Peace in your day...

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